Dreaming of You : Greatest Women of My Life

I rarely have a dream of mak since she passed away, sometimes I feel maybe mak was angry with me or disappointed with me and she doesn't want to see me even in dreams.

 

I started dreaming of her when I enter the 5th month of my pregnancies, in most of my dream, I dream her with my dad.. they are happy talking to each other like they always does...

 

But last night, the dream was a bit different. In that dream, I was back to my house, as I open the door of my mak room, I saw her laying on her bed, immediately she ask me if I could bring her to a vacation, and I say yes. The next thing I remember, I am driving her around with my car and I saw her smiles again, the smiles that I longed for. The moment I try to talk to her, the dream stop and I realize that was only a dream. It feels so real as if she is still with me, the desperation of wanting her to be around, sharing with her every bits of my daily life, hearing a view of life giving me such a heartache. I ended up crying myself to bed that night and when Paul call from his workplace, I told him all about the dream, and he said the most comforting words for me at these time "Honey, you basically giving her The Mother's Day Gift". I smiled at that thought. Indeed. I miss you so much, Mak. Happy Mothers Day, Mak. My Superwoman.

 

 

The Wedding:The Planning

This post should have been long posted, but I guess I am too busy preparing and arranging my wedding until I don't even have the time to have enough sleep until my Big Day ( So much of "maw urus sendiri" kan)...LOL.

Episode 1 : Picking The Date!

So, the first thing we do is to confirmed the wedding date...since both of us born in August, we decided to choose 18th August (which is my birth date..hehe) .. Apparently the date falls on the last day of Ramadhan, well in this case most of our Moslem family and friends wouldn't be able to join our celebration...Again, We are back to square one. After a lots of eenie meenie mynie moo.. we finally pick the date that is best suits our working timetable..especially him & the date is 20th October 2012 (Both of us love even numbers, so we think this is the best date that describe both of us).

Episode 2 : The Venue! 

Done with the date picking, pheww! Trust me bride-to-be..picking the date could be even trickier when it comes to your own wedding. Okay, as for the venue, it has been long decided that we will be having the bride wedding party the same day as our church wedding, as well as the venue which is KDCA (Kadazan-Dusun Cultural Association Hall), ehe! The hall is big enough and it has good facilities especially its sound system and lighting which could enhance the decorations you've set for your wedding. The downside of picking this one is we have to book the place at least one year before the wedding, since I really want this venue, we ended up booking the place almost one year and a half before the date!! ;-p

It is easier when it comes to pick for the groom's side, we have decided to it at his house since their house has a big compound suitable for the theme we set for the groom's side. :-)

Episode 3 : The Checklist!

As for me, I need a checklist for almost everything,apalagi its my own wedding!... I think the checklist is really important so that you won't miss anything at least with a checklist you could lessen the possibilty of forgetting some important things to prepare. So, I make a file to compile all the checklist that I think I need for the wedding. 

Oh well! I think that's it for now. ;-) ... To be continued....

Hunter & Bubble

It was one of my regular routine in the morning..  checking up other people life's on facebook..haha..(no..la..i'm checking on my small town in Pioneer Ville (geee.. im such an addict kan)...while checking up on my work emails ..hehe..multitasking la kunun...

Then, I came across the picture posted by my gym buddy, Naisy, asking her friends to adopt the puppies left by a stranger in front of her apartment door...well, I fell in love instantly with the puppies, its been quite some time that I want one..after my Snowy left me..few months ago..oh those time...so many losses...

I couldn't resist their cuteness, so I asked for a pair. Their were trembling on their first night at my home, frighten by all the new faces kali.. they seem weak as well, so I make them some milk and feed them with ALPO ...the pair slowly become energetic... im so happy to see those pair running around in my room on that night (yeah, they sleep in my room on the first night, takut kucing cakar..hehe)

I named the all-white dog Hunter, so that it can grow stonger and the white-with-brown-patch dog..Bubble because it so round and bubbly... oh gosh!! as i'm writing this post I couldn't wait for the clock to hit the 5 o'clock...geez..i'm missing them so much.. 

Hunter & Bubble

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY HUNTER & BUBBLE !!

Dear Mother

Dear Mother,

It has been 120 days since you left us. we miss you so much and things getting harder each day but don't worry mother, we will be fine, we will cope like you always show us.

There so many things and so many words i wanna say to you, i believe otto and eping does too. I always thought I have the time and never once crossed my mind that you will leave us so soon. the truth is, It was in my mind  that you will be there on my wedding and you will be to guide me on having my first child. I thought I will be hearing you yelling at me for not know how to give bath to my baby or you will be lecturing on house chores that often I am so lazy to work on. I stiil hope this all was only a dream, every morning since you left was the worse time of my life. Sometimes, i purposely wake up late so that I might hear you knock my door and woke me up like you always did. Sometimes, I miss to hear you commenting on how I dress up, asking when will i be home, telling me to do things properly and all those stuff you have been doing for years. All in all, I miss your voice, Mother.

I know I might not be a good daughter to you, I am sorry for being so rude to you, for being so reckless in taking care of you. My best is might not good enough since I cant make you stay with us longer. I am sorry for not fulfilling most of the promises that i've made to you. If you ever read this, I just wanna tell you, that I am proud to be your daughter, I am what I am today, its all because of you. You are the greatest mother, I could ever wish for. Thank you mother, thank you for giving me your undying love even at times, I dont deserve it. I will wait until the time has come, for us to be together again. I love you, Mother. Happy Mother's Day Mak...

Your Daughter

Anak

 one of the last picture we have taken together.

~Me & The 3T's Month~

May...its the month of festivities for the kadazandusun...its simply the 3T's month (Tapai, Tagung and Tondu)...hehe...you all know what i mean...every year there would an opening ceremony for the Kaamatan Month but then..i never seem have the chance to go and watch it...hmm..i don't know when but i already put it in The List..One of the reason...i've failed in this mission is simply because...every year since.....Hmmmm....i dont exactly know when its started...my family on my father sides always have this family gathering which on that day..we all will be celebrating Mother's Day...especially for the Mums in the family and of course..for our Big Momma (My grandma)...Since my father has a very big family.. (He is the 3rd among all 12 of them)...this is the only time we all can gather around and updates ourselves with their lives...i guess it has been 3-4 years i havent been able to join the familiy gathering...being away and stuff... Honestly..this year i've been planning to skip the family gathering AGAIN...just because i wanna attend the opening of Sabah Festival...plus my friend, Oscar able to get a cheaper ticket and i felt its such a waste if i didnt attend it...but...aha! the moment i told my daddy that i don't wanna go back with them...he make that face...the face that make you feel that there is no hope to argue anymore...so yeah...ill follow my family and its not that bad also..meeting the old folks and the cousin mazen...hehe...exchanging stories and laughter...one thing i realised is that..most of my cousins have babies of their own already...and when their addressing me as aunty...haha..well...don't know la what to say...plus..all my uncles and aunties keep showing their fingers to me...as a sign of asking..when im going to get myself engaged...hmmm...this one of the part that i actually dont favor much from a family gathering.... haha..it just complicated...okayla..thats all for tonite..will be uploading the photos soon...im soooo sleepy ody..feel lazy want too upload now...lotsa lotsa of winking *CIAO*