Dreaming of You : Greatest Women of My Life

I rarely have a dream of mak since she passed away, sometimes I feel maybe mak was angry with me or disappointed with me and she doesn't want to see me even in dreams.

 

I started dreaming of her when I enter the 5th month of my pregnancies, in most of my dream, I dream her with my dad.. they are happy talking to each other like they always does...

 

But last night, the dream was a bit different. In that dream, I was back to my house, as I open the door of my mak room, I saw her laying on her bed, immediately she ask me if I could bring her to a vacation, and I say yes. The next thing I remember, I am driving her around with my car and I saw her smiles again, the smiles that I longed for. The moment I try to talk to her, the dream stop and I realize that was only a dream. It feels so real as if she is still with me, the desperation of wanting her to be around, sharing with her every bits of my daily life, hearing a view of life giving me such a heartache. I ended up crying myself to bed that night and when Paul call from his workplace, I told him all about the dream, and he said the most comforting words for me at these time "Honey, you basically giving her The Mother's Day Gift". I smiled at that thought. Indeed. I miss you so much, Mak. Happy Mothers Day, Mak. My Superwoman.

 

 

The Wedding:The Planning

This post should have been long posted, but I guess I am too busy preparing and arranging my wedding until I don't even have the time to have enough sleep until my Big Day ( So much of "maw urus sendiri" kan)...LOL.

Episode 1 : Picking The Date!

So, the first thing we do is to confirmed the wedding date...since both of us born in August, we decided to choose 18th August (which is my birth date..hehe) .. Apparently the date falls on the last day of Ramadhan, well in this case most of our Moslem family and friends wouldn't be able to join our celebration...Again, We are back to square one. After a lots of eenie meenie mynie moo.. we finally pick the date that is best suits our working timetable..especially him & the date is 20th October 2012 (Both of us love even numbers, so we think this is the best date that describe both of us).

Episode 2 : The Venue! 

Done with the date picking, pheww! Trust me bride-to-be..picking the date could be even trickier when it comes to your own wedding. Okay, as for the venue, it has been long decided that we will be having the bride wedding party the same day as our church wedding, as well as the venue which is KDCA (Kadazan-Dusun Cultural Association Hall), ehe! The hall is big enough and it has good facilities especially its sound system and lighting which could enhance the decorations you've set for your wedding. The downside of picking this one is we have to book the place at least one year before the wedding, since I really want this venue, we ended up booking the place almost one year and a half before the date!! ;-p

It is easier when it comes to pick for the groom's side, we have decided to it at his house since their house has a big compound suitable for the theme we set for the groom's side. :-)

Episode 3 : The Checklist!

As for me, I need a checklist for almost everything,apalagi its my own wedding!... I think the checklist is really important so that you won't miss anything at least with a checklist you could lessen the possibilty of forgetting some important things to prepare. So, I make a file to compile all the checklist that I think I need for the wedding. 

Oh well! I think that's it for now. ;-) ... To be continued....

The Proposal

I don't know if I am one of those hopeless romantic fella, but I always dreamt of having the most romantic and all the top proposal from my future husband. But since I've met my husband now and getting to know him, I know I have to let go of this one dream.

 

It was  two days before our wedding and we are still busy preparing this and that for our big day . I remembered feeling so stressed out, mix feelings and I keep thinking about my mother, wishing she be there on my big day, telling me what marriage would be like and walk me down the aisle together with my father.  I don't know if I can even smile on that day, maybe its written all over my face, the anger, the nervousness, the sadness, the doubts and so many other feelings I couldn't describe.

That fine day, after our meeting with the priest, we went back to my apartment to get something but before I start getting busy, He hold my shoulder and ask me to sit down. I can't even think and at that time I cant even guess what he wants to do but the moment he start kneeling in front me and holding our engagement ring, I was like "oh, my gosh, I think he going to do it". He look at me in a way I could never describe, and he start saying these to me  " I might not be the most romantic guy for you and I am sorry I don't prepare the most romantic proposal dinner as what you always dream of, but I promise you that I am going to take care and love you as long as I live, will you marry me? " It strikes at that time, watching him saying all those beautiful words to me, It wasn't the roses or the fancy candlelight's dinner that I need from him but his true love and his willingness to commit the journey of marriage together as one.

 

At that very moment, I believed this another of God's way of telling me that I have made the right decision. It's simple but too meaningful and with tears coming down to my cheek, I answered him back " Yes babe, Yes".