Dreaming of You : Greatest Women of My Life

I rarely have a dream of mak since she passed away, sometimes I feel maybe mak was angry with me or disappointed with me and she doesn't want to see me even in dreams.

 

I started dreaming of her when I enter the 5th month of my pregnancies, in most of my dream, I dream her with my dad.. they are happy talking to each other like they always does...

 

But last night, the dream was a bit different. In that dream, I was back to my house, as I open the door of my mak room, I saw her laying on her bed, immediately she ask me if I could bring her to a vacation, and I say yes. The next thing I remember, I am driving her around with my car and I saw her smiles again, the smiles that I longed for. The moment I try to talk to her, the dream stop and I realize that was only a dream. It feels so real as if she is still with me, the desperation of wanting her to be around, sharing with her every bits of my daily life, hearing a view of life giving me such a heartache. I ended up crying myself to bed that night and when Paul call from his workplace, I told him all about the dream, and he said the most comforting words for me at these time "Honey, you basically giving her The Mother's Day Gift". I smiled at that thought. Indeed. I miss you so much, Mak. Happy Mothers Day, Mak. My Superwoman.

 

 

The Wedding:The Planning

This post should have been long posted, but I guess I am too busy preparing and arranging my wedding until I don't even have the time to have enough sleep until my Big Day ( So much of "maw urus sendiri" kan)...LOL.

Episode 1 : Picking The Date!

So, the first thing we do is to confirmed the wedding date...since both of us born in August, we decided to choose 18th August (which is my birth date..hehe) .. Apparently the date falls on the last day of Ramadhan, well in this case most of our Moslem family and friends wouldn't be able to join our celebration...Again, We are back to square one. After a lots of eenie meenie mynie moo.. we finally pick the date that is best suits our working timetable..especially him & the date is 20th October 2012 (Both of us love even numbers, so we think this is the best date that describe both of us).

Episode 2 : The Venue! 

Done with the date picking, pheww! Trust me bride-to-be..picking the date could be even trickier when it comes to your own wedding. Okay, as for the venue, it has been long decided that we will be having the bride wedding party the same day as our church wedding, as well as the venue which is KDCA (Kadazan-Dusun Cultural Association Hall), ehe! The hall is big enough and it has good facilities especially its sound system and lighting which could enhance the decorations you've set for your wedding. The downside of picking this one is we have to book the place at least one year before the wedding, since I really want this venue, we ended up booking the place almost one year and a half before the date!! ;-p

It is easier when it comes to pick for the groom's side, we have decided to it at his house since their house has a big compound suitable for the theme we set for the groom's side. :-)

Episode 3 : The Checklist!

As for me, I need a checklist for almost everything,apalagi its my own wedding!... I think the checklist is really important so that you won't miss anything at least with a checklist you could lessen the possibilty of forgetting some important things to prepare. So, I make a file to compile all the checklist that I think I need for the wedding. 

Oh well! I think that's it for now. ;-) ... To be continued....

The Proposal

I don't know if I am one of those hopeless romantic fella, but I always dreamt of having the most romantic and all the top proposal from my future husband. But since I've met my husband now and getting to know him, I know I have to let go of this one dream.

 

It was  two days before our wedding and we are still busy preparing this and that for our big day . I remembered feeling so stressed out, mix feelings and I keep thinking about my mother, wishing she be there on my big day, telling me what marriage would be like and walk me down the aisle together with my father.  I don't know if I can even smile on that day, maybe its written all over my face, the anger, the nervousness, the sadness, the doubts and so many other feelings I couldn't describe.

That fine day, after our meeting with the priest, we went back to my apartment to get something but before I start getting busy, He hold my shoulder and ask me to sit down. I can't even think and at that time I cant even guess what he wants to do but the moment he start kneeling in front me and holding our engagement ring, I was like "oh, my gosh, I think he going to do it". He look at me in a way I could never describe, and he start saying these to me  " I might not be the most romantic guy for you and I am sorry I don't prepare the most romantic proposal dinner as what you always dream of, but I promise you that I am going to take care and love you as long as I live, will you marry me? " It strikes at that time, watching him saying all those beautiful words to me, It wasn't the roses or the fancy candlelight's dinner that I need from him but his true love and his willingness to commit the journey of marriage together as one.

 

At that very moment, I believed this another of God's way of telling me that I have made the right decision. It's simple but too meaningful and with tears coming down to my cheek, I answered him back " Yes babe, Yes".

 

The Long Silence

Much have change since Nov'11. Its been a year since I've jotted any notes on my life. 2012 has been a whirlwind year for me, I didn't even know how I survive with all the job migration, the wedding and etc.  There are so many wonderful things happened but I couldn't find the time nor energy to even write plus  I  think I am having that "Writer's Block" syndrome. aha! ( Writer's Block is defined as a condition, primarily associated with writing as a profession in which an author losses the ability to produce new work.)

P/S But as in my case, when the blogger losses the ability to produce any entry.

 

Half of the year, I've been struggling with the career changes. From being an Freshwater Officer in WWF-Malaysia, preaching about freshwater conservations to a Science Communicator in PetroSains Sdn Bhd, spreading the wonders of science in every bit of daily life routines and finally to a Agricultural Lecturer in a government sector, teaching practical agriculture practices to the community in Lahad Datu.  Imagine in less than 10 months, I need to adapt myself with two kinds of working arrangement and in between I have to struggle with my own wedding preparations. Gahh!

                                    

Well, I am not gonna write everything in this one post. ehe! I'll be making some pages for my wedding preps and the pre-wedding as well as wedding photos soon. Stay tune ya lovers!!

New Hairdo; Farah Fawcett Inspired

I am spending half of my monday in a salon! I was getting tired with old perm hair...all of a sudden i have this urge to change my hairstyles ( I know I am such a Drama Queen kan..hehe). sincerely, i believe changes is good at some point of your life to spice it up kan...sticking to the old routine sometimes make me feel old.

so at first, because of the so-called edgyness was controlling myself at that moment. I actually wanna cut my hair to a pixie crop hair like her!

Agyness Deyn...she so hot in awkward way 

BUT...yes there is a but...this is a few comments or feedback that usually get from the hairstylist or my friends..

"emmm...macam tia ngam owh..mesti maw tutup pipi juga tue rambut"

Sigh! yes... i do have a chubby cheek..gosh..round as ball...I usually make fun with my rounded face whenever my fiancee watches his beloved Manchester United team played and forgot to call me...it usually goes like this...

"ya lah ya lah... the ball is rounder than me ..thats why you forgot kan...huh!"

Haha...so back to the hair-do story ,,so I figure...to become edgy (in a safe mode..a rainbow hair is totally a big no no for me) either i go big as a lion hair or crop as mice hair..so since..crop hair was not a good idea..so i turn to this option..

Farah Fawcett

 so yeah....here is the result for my half day in that salon...

Previously

Now...the Farah Fawcett inspired hair-do

In case, if you all were wondering where i do my hair...it was in G-Cut, Megalong, third floor, near the foodcourt...my 4 hours in that salon was quite pleasant...Thenby, the senior hairstylist was very friendly..
believe me...its good to have a chatty hairstylist when you spending most of the day in their salon...you could get tired by reading the magazines the whole hours...;-p btw... i am so loving my hair-do right now..

10 Reasons For Chics to Come EarLy to wOrk

1. No need to rush things. More relax.

2. Have time to plan your worK for the daY. Set your taBle niceLy.

3. Free from the morning guilt for not waking up early and coming in late.

4. yoU arrive earlier than the boss and that might leave you a good impression is it. (Manatau ada ehem..ehem...LOL~~)- I mean promotions ah..don't think yg susuVai~~

5. you have time to go breaKfast with yoUr colleaGues and sharE the moRning stOry..(Ok..this one is baD..but sometime we need to know things kan...)

6. you havE time to touch-up your make-up, hair, dress ka...hehe...(when we feel good, we do our work better i guess)

7. Avoid the sarcastic/curious look or unwanted comments from your colleagues for coming in late. (Nanti Kena TeguR...Bad mood Lagi kan..haishh)

8. CamWhoring!! tHis is the time kunU...manataW trIp lawa tue Hari..time to take your own pic...(ShaRe sama Si Bf kunu..or...non-other than the reknown FB)

9. You can go oNline...to those weBsite yanG restricted during woRking Hour a.k.a you have extra 15-30 mins FacebookIng and Give yOur morNing greeTs to EveryOne.

10. you Can updatE your Blog (Duhh..MacaM saYa update Blog~~)LOL~~

WoRking LayDee

Its July the thirteen...gosh!! Its officially been 8 days...i've been in the working world...my first day is basically the most boring day i have in the office...duduk-duduk...baca-baca...hehe..look around...get to know people...the basic things you do on the first day...second day..also goes the same thing...Ahah!! Third day is the day..suda start busy...my first work in the panda world is to do follow up with the XXXX org. i've been ask to call and hmmm...berdebor la juga...the funny thing is that..i even write up a script for that conversation...haha...so basically the whole week, ive been calling and doing letters to the stakeholders...i learn a lot and somehow i become fonder to this job as the day goes by....i hope the feeling is mutual too..I mean i hope that the job also love me too..so i can stay in this business for quite a time...wawwww giteww ah...sangat motivational kunu...LOL~~

The one thing i love most about this panda world is its flexibility of time and casuality of work wear. i am not saying that you can came in and go back at anytime you want, but the working time is not like regular office time. its much like when we do our own research or lab work, you fix your own time. Casuality of work wear is the best thing ever in here, you guys should see what we wear everyday...i prefer to call it Smart Casual...hehe...

on my 3rd day..finally cn wear this dress..

few months suda beli, baru have possible reason to wear~~

Super Love!!!!

Basically...Currently..i am happy with my work...means another love in my life...love for the work and for a living planet....yea...Panda...Panda..Chaiyo!!!

Bad June

June is ending...so as my unemployed life..its officially two months I've been waiting to end this sedentary life of mine... for the whole month...i havent been writing anything...my lappie crush at the very time i needed it....duhhh...I come to think that all my bad lucks accumulate in June...ugghh..so many things so many problems happen..one by one came by...its too personal and I'm too embarrassed to even mention...how can a person you love and adore so much turn to a person that you don't even want to know...the trust and respect are degrading no matter how you try it avoid it...at this point my heart is sinking and I'm stuck between two person i love most...every single moment of my life now..i pray that this thing will go away..I pray that the Good Lord open my heart for my forgiveness..open their heart for forgiveness and open the persons heart to us once more...God teach us love is about forgiveness...and I hope that strength to love and respect that person once more...I am trying hard to believe that every problem has its own solutions and it's only a matter of time for it to show up...

~~the emotions haunting me are simply indescribably~~

The Fairytale Story That Isnt One!

Once upon a time, on a Saturday not so far away from the Penampang district...a couple was sitting in a Park or maybe its not a park, a field maybe called Padang Merdeka (i don't know if i get the name right, don't remember really).Their were talking, discussing apparently on the subject of buying houses or if possible, buying lands to built their dream house...it was sweet..i mean in a way that both are showing/preparing themselves to those kind of commitment..yep..that couple was me and him...we were attending the property fairs held by the SPNB..because we were planning to settle down with the roof on our heads before the day that we say "I Do" to each other...others might think this was too early...but that was always in my plan since high school i guess..if i ever getting married..that guy must posses a house, a car and a life insurance of course...it does sound materialistic isnt it..but..im not asking for a villa, a Ferrari or even any of those luxurious thingy...i am asking for the essentials..the essentials that what i think i need to feel secure enough start a life together with some other person...

a newlywed need a house to have a room to have their very own bed so that they can groan and moan all night long without have to worry their might woke up other people..hahaha..nah this is only of the big reasons..there is a lot of other reasons...well...our elders might perceive cars as a luxury aspects of life but that particular view might not went well on these days...we unfortunately needs this to make a living, for emergency..and for a lot of other reasons i might not have ti list it here...while for the life insurance..ahaha..thats is only precautionary action..we never expect what life bring...life must have been good but it might flip coin to the other side.... well. what i write here was not practically involved in our conversations...mostly we were talking about the mortgage rates for the house we wanna or we planning to have..and all the other budgets we need to think of in the coming year...the things that both of us have to limit to get the life we want...haha..especially me...no surprise there huh...and then suddenly during our talks...i shrugged and say this to him "Life is Hard" and then he smile and say to me "there you are, you have grown up my baby" ahahahaha...No la..that what i want him to say...its like those dialogue in the hopeless-romantic kinda movie would have say..what he actually say was..."Ko sedar suda sayang"...yes..it is with smile...hahaha..not so romantic kan...but bulihlah...when you are in love everything is sweet even though sometimes its salty...haha whoa...guess its enough to say that i will not be getting my dream honeymoon in Paris and the kiss under the Eiffel Tower sooner...someday hopefully...but apparently nothing of those really matter does it when you finally know what you are committing to..a life with a person you truly love..sometimes it is not only what you want it to be but it is what the "US" want to be like...well..that very conversations end with lunch and a dress...hahaha...(I think i might use my time now to enjoy my no compromising era for the better things first).... Nope....eventhough its start with "Once Upon a Time" this one certainly will not end "Happily Ever After" this time...However...I wish for it to be "Forever and Always Be Happy".... one of my favorite fairytale-ever CINDERELLA -The End~