May 9, 2010

She-Roes

Its Mother's Day again...often i forgot this day..the last card i give to her if I'm not mistaken when i was 10...i make this card specially for her...telling that i love her...and so...i still do..but i figure when you grow older..the word love is kinda hard to say is it..or it just me...i always think someday or somehow she knows that i love her..and i do appreciate all the things she does for me... that's what i think...i have time...but last October really hit me hard... My mother were diagnosed with cancer...stomach cancer to be exact...all this while we thought it was gastric pain..it never occurred to me that this such thing will happen to her...if you have known my mother..she is one strong woman...i never see her cry..never did..no matter how hard life is..how painful it is..she go through..back then when life quite hard for us..if she had to walk to fetch us..she will walk..she do everything at home...she doesnt work..she is a classic housewife...she clean. she cook...every little things until...somehow i felt..the three of us were the luckiest children in the world..she pampered us but in different kind of way... she hadn't call me the day she were diagnosed..instead a week after that day, i called to ask her and simply with no so ever emotion she say "Doktor Cakap...kanser" then i replied "Hah"...somehow i wish i was deaf or maybe i hope my mum were just playing around..then she say again "Kanser"....there it was...the word that i never would have guess came out to my life...it was a long silence again..until my mum ask me "kenapa diam?" but at the time..that very moment..i felt tears on my cheek...i couldn't speak or say anything...i couldnt stand...i feel so afraid...and then i know i cant show that I'm weak..because i need her to be strong as she always be...i know if i cried in front of her...I'm afraid she will too..so i hold my voice..try to sound as calm as possible...i say to her "Tedalah Ma, nanti kita bincang lagi..saya ada hal jap..nanti saya kol lagi" ...then she simply answer " bha, kc siap la keja ko dulu"...the moment we say bye and i put off the phone...i burst out into tears...i sat there..in front of my laboratory and i cried.. At that time, i really need to talk..just so that i could put myself back together..i called Him, and he was shocked..i guess with my tearful and trembling voice...no hye or hey..i said "darling, you know what..mummy saya got cancer...she got cancer"...i don't remember the rest what Ive said to him...but i remember that i keep saying "she got cancer"...and mostly i cried...he just hear me out..he was also speechless..he just say let it out first... That very day, i cancel all my work and i go back to my dorm early..and yes..the tears couldn't stop..i think Ive been crying the whole day until i fell asleep..i called her that night and then we talk about it..i ask her what the doctor wanna do about it..she say "dia suruh bedah, tapi ma xmaw".. i kept silent only..part of myself are rejecting the facts that my mother were sick...that she ask me again "kanapa diam?"..then i replied..."saya cuba tanya kawan2 sama tue supervisor saya dulu..apa maw buat..nanti saya balik..kita tgk macammana"...then she say "bha"..the conversation end short that night. There it was, the day that the fight begin..the day that make me realized...that i dont have all the time to tell her i love her...the day that make me think..that i might not have the chance to repay her...feeling sorry and crying wouldn't help...since that day until now i try my very best to show her that i care for her...not only on designated Mother's day..but everyday... if Heroes in myth legend is define as a man of great strength and courage, favored by the gods and in part descended from them, often regarded as a half-god and worshiped after his death well...Our Mother is a She-roes...a woman of great strength and courage, favored by the God and in fact descended from God to take care of us...and of course she will always be in our heart...Remembered and Cherished Until the end of time...
Prayer; O Dear Lord, Thank you for giving me chance to feel the great love from her, give my Mother a strong heart and strong faith to keep her moving on, Lessen her burden..if it must be..let me be the one to face it for her...May her heart always at peace...Amen.
Our first picture..after she finish her chemo..

7 comments:

  1. yeah, i also feel that "love" gets harder to say as you get older...so i wrote it down in a note instead. hehe~ :p

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  2. yep...i oso do dat..hehe..:-)

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  3. Hope ur mummy gets well soon. And you! Please b strong ok my dear~

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  4. I'm seriously touched by this post. Be strong and take care okay!

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  5. Oh I am so sad to read your story.. and worried at the same time.. that gastric might be cancer as well...

    Take care and love pur mom always.. -_-

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  6. Nina and Cath; Thanks ya..Hopefully everything will go fine...she just finish her chemo..now she look much better olready than the day the picture taken...Thanks all.

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